My room smells like vodka and shame
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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