I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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