i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
They have beer where we have blood.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
