It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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