im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize