What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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