It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
