Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
