i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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