is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
