Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
