He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
