Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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