areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
