I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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