we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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