I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
