the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
