I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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