did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
