he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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