the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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