that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
