My liver just broke up with me...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
