I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
