I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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