What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
