and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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