He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
