i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The power of my boobs compel you
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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