Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
