and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
