Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
