I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The struggles of a small town man whore
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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