I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize