I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
