btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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