Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
