The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize