Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
