My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
