There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
