sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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