Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
