thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize