You're my little dorito
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
