He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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