someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it's like iHOP with fire
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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