Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i came on her dog
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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