I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
