No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
