If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
