I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
