I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
