went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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