I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
