dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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