Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
