Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
