The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
