so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
