Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
