He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize