he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
