and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize