I want to stick my p in your. b.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
