I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
