somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
