Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
