She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sorry about my life...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
