Sober January is a disaster.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize