How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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