you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
