Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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