Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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