i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
