plz talk dirty to me
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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