4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
