I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
